Must Be Nice

On privilege, motherhood, and refusing to manage what you think of me...

A couple of weeks ago, a woman I follow on Instagram shared an offering for an in-person Somatic Experiencing session.

We share a mutual friend and years ago, I briefly met her at one of my friend’s events…That said, I didn’t actually know her nor did I understand how she would offer Somatic Experiencing (SE).

Despite my unfamiliarity - when I saw her post, it was an instant “yes” for me.

One of my practices has been to trust my visceral yes and no.

I felt the yes and immediately signed up.

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On the morning of my appointment, I made the effort to arrive a few minutes early so I could feel at ease. Sarah, the woman offering SE, greeted me outside and walked me into her cozy home.

Her sweet dog shared the space with us – the puppy energy created a very warm welcome.

Sarah opened by explaining how SE was different from Reiki and Craniosacral Therapy… From what I gathered - as my Somatic Experiencing Practitioner - Sarah was there to physically and energetically hold space, so I could listen to my subtle body. She wasn’t there to manipulate my energy - she was there so I could experience it - myself.

Here was my experience:

Before we dropped in, Sarah asked if I had an intention for our time - I offered the assignment my therapist gave to me during our last appointment.

My therapist suggested that I bring my guilt to ceremony. She doesn’t often give her opinion about things - but she did tell me that it may be time for me to sit with my guilt in a different way. We had therapized it all that we could, she said… And, if I was to release it, I may need to work with it on a different plane.

Here is a short tangent:

When I returned to writing a few years ago, I only wanted to write about the perils of navigating my identity as a Stay at Home Mom. A few years ago - I created an entire podcast about that topic. I called it A Podcast for Moms.

At the time, I felt incredibly lonely… I didn’t know many women who made the choice to stay at home with their kids.

The idea of doing something outside of the home felt painful to me. And it’s important to note, I never had a traditional career before I entered Motherhood.

Before I became a mom, no one questioned my fluid career shifts nor the long stretches of time I would go without working in a formal way… If anything, my lifestyle was celebrated.

Yet now, as a Mother, choosing not to work carries a certain stigma.

When I say to you - Stay at Home Mom - what’s the first thing that comes to your mind?

I doubt you’re thinking: a well-fucked, creatively expanded, nurturing, soulful, artistic, social justice advocate.

As a SAHM, that is my personal vision.

A vision that often feels a bit out of reach because I spend far too much time fumbling over my internalized Western ways of being and the stigma surrounding Mothers who choose not to work.