I actually know nothing.
An addendum to my last essay because some of what I wrote doesn't resonate with me anymore.
At Book Club this past Friday, we reviewed our Morning Pages.
For some context, I am slowly moving through Julia Cameron’s The Artist's Way with a group of incredible women (instead of a chapter a week, we go through a chapter each month-ish and I am loving our pace).
We were reviewing Week 9 and one of the assignments was to look through past journal entries - our Morning Pages. I paged through my notebook, my gaze landed on a single sentence:
“And I actually know nothing.”
On the next line I wrote:
“But I do know that sitting consciously with a plant activates the potency of the plant.”
Those sentences came from a January 26, 2025 entry - my reflection of the private tea ceremony that I had the pleasure of receiving at The Eternal Art in Ocean Beach, San Diego.
Catching that first sentence - “and I actually know nothing.” - hit so hard on Friday night..
Typically for The Artist Way, I listen to the chapter on Spotify. And then, I skim the physical copy of the book to underline the parts that resonated with me the most…
I pulled my book out last Thursday night, weeks after I had listened to the chapter, and I was stunned.
Hours earlier, I had published an essay titled, “How you gonna win, when you ain’t right within?”.
There is a lot of goodness in that essay…
And, the energy behind what I shared completely contradicted the advice Julia Cameron offered in Week 9 of The Artist Way though.
As I re-read Week 9, I felt as if I could underline almost every sentence.
On page 153, Julia Cameron wrote:
“As artists, grounding our self-image in military discipline is dangerous. In the short run, discipline may work, but it will work only for a while. By its very nature, discipline is rooted in self-admiration. (Think of discipline as a battery, useful but short-lived). We admire ourselves for being so wonderful. The discipline itself, not the creative outflow, becomes the point.
…
Over any extended period of time, being an artist requires enthusiasm more than discipline. Enthusiasm is not an emotional state. It is a spiritual commitment, a loving surrender to our creative process, a loving recognition of all the creativity around us.
Enthusiasm (from the Greek, “filled with God”) is an ongoing energy supply tapped into the flow of life itself.”
In the margins of the page, I wrote: Devotion > Discipline and Enthusiasm = Filled with God
I had heard all of that weeks earlier. Yet, those concepts touched a deeper place when I read them last Thursday evening.
The Universe is so funny…. As I mentioned, hours earlier, I had published a rather declarative (and in hindsight, painfully drawn out) essay on what success means to me and what I need to tangibly “do” to manifest my success.
I said:
“I find pleasure in discipline. I show up to my practices with devotion.”
and…
“...becoming a (consistently) steady and aligned woman happens through showing up to my practices - regardless of external distractions, regardless of how I am feeling - with grace and discipline.”
And even though I wrote those statements not so long ago, they don’t resonate with me anymore.
I was close … I did say - “I show up to my practices with devotion” - yet, I don’t want discipline to be part of my life as a spiritual being sharing creative offerings.
It feels freeing to admit that I was wrong.
Upon reflection, that essay felt really hard to write… This essay is flowing and previous essays poured out, too.
And I am pretty sure I know why - I made a commitment to myself to write two essays a month this year. So, as the week of March 24th started to wind down, I felt the need to “get something out there.”
And, I did.
But, I didn’t take the time to drop in before I started to write and create that day…
These words feel like they are arriving. A couple of weeks ago, I was reaching for them.
I bypassed all of my practices to sit down and check a box.
I have worked on this essay for about two hours over the course of two days now - here is how I dropped in before I wrote each day:
Yesterday, on Monday, April 7th, before I sat down: I did my Sun Salutations in the grass. I meditated on my breath for five minutes. I lit a piece of sage from my teacher’s garden. I prayed and asked to write what the Universe would have me say. I made a small batch of Voices of Water tea.
From start to finish, those rituals took about 25-ish minutes.
Today, April 8th, I spent a little more time dropping in before I sat to share:
I did the new 30 minute Athletic Yoga + Pilates on MWH. I ate a snack (apples, cheese, cashews, dark chocolate) and prepped my lunch (quinoa in the instant pot and chopped sweet potatoes). I sat for a 5 minute meditation. I lit my favorite incense. I re-read what I wrote yesterday and made some edits. I steeped a new blend that I love to drink as both a hot tea and an infusion (nettles, oatstraw, rose, and peppermint). And, I assembled my burrito and read from Crown of Midnight as I savored my lunch (burrito is tortilla with melted cheese, sweet potatoes, quinoa, and Siete refried beans).
All together, that took me about 1.5 hours. And it was time well spent…
It was time well spent because it moved me out of my brain and into my body and my Spirit.
Because, to go back to my journal entry from earlier this year, I actually know nothing.
But, as I said, I do know that consciousness activates potency:
When I consciously show up to my mat and move from a space of devotion, it becomes more than checking a “workout” box.
When I consciously prepare and eat healthy food with gratitude and reverence, it becomes more than checking the “nutrition” box.
When I consciously ask for guidance as I combine and steep my herbs and drink my tea with presence, it becomes more than checking the “herbalism” box.
When I enter my practices with a state of consciousness, I activate their potency - I create a portal for Divine connection….
And all of that was missing from my last essay, I was checking a box. I wrote from my mind.
I even made a Reel on IG that is super cringe because I felt compelled to check a box (I’m not going to delete it either because I don’t want to forget what happens when I don’t drop in).
So with all that said, I got it wrong in my last essay: I don’t want to find pleasure in discipline. I want to find pleasure in devotion, in consciousness, in reverence… I want to find pleasure in enthusiasm. I want to find pleasure in knowing that if I show up to my practices and then sit down to do my best, God will take care of the rest.
And through all of this I have learned that I need to be weary of myself in the future if I try to create a definite takeaway or an official proclamation (like I did in my last essay) - because I actually don’t know very much.
I am here to tell stories and share my experiences - stories are medicine - and mine come messy. It’s also freeing to not feel the need to tie this essay up with a bow.
Today though, I will conclude by inviting you to consider: Are you checking boxes or are you living your life a consciousness that activates potency?
With love,
Julia