Dear Readers,
I feel particularly grateful to be sending this message today. I trust that these words will meet you at the right time. Thank you for your readership.
I want to begin by welcoming those who are new to receiving these essays - I’m so glad you’re here.
Deeper Than Shallow hosted a Pop Up at Ultreya Coffee in Ocean Beach a couple of Saturdays ago and this past Sunday, we had the pleasure of vending at South Park Shop Local!
It was so nice to meet new friends IRL.
Since there are some new readers this week, I took the time to reflect on the last few essays - and I noticed that I have been unintentionally weaving a story from share to share:
Back in December, I released Drench Everything in Love - within that piece, I shared why I had been silent for most of 2024. TL/DR: After 5.5 years of continuously being pregnant and/or breastfeeding I weaned my son and shortly thereafter, I started working with plant medicine.
By that point, my plant medicine journey had already begun - in late 2023, I enrolled in a spiritual herbalism mentorship and I began intentionally sitting with non-psychoactive plants.
In Drench Everything in Love, I shared the story of how my Soul came back to life - how I reopened to the Light.
At the beginning of January 2025, Are You Who You Want to Be?, continued my storyline of interconnectedness as I reflected on my relationship to Malibu, the fires, and my connection to (my Oneness with) Earth.
TL/DR in one sentence for Are You Who You Want to Be?: when I act out of alignment with my values, I feel pain.
From there, I wrote Pieces of my Activism, where I unintentionally began planting seeds for what I will write about today - alignment. I don’t use the word “alignment” directly - instead share about how I am practicing my activism in ways that align with me being a present, in-person Mother.
In February’s Beyond Words, I reflect on how my spiritual beliefs and practices are Beyond Words. And I encourage you to find your own practices, too. I said:
“I feel like the biggest fucking kook for these next sentences - but I’m going to say them anyways:
Right now, there are a lot of people in positions of enormous Earthly power that are emitting super low vibrations.
So, the World deeply needs people with a spark - people who feel called to change the frequency and tone of our collective consciousness with heartfelt acts that create ripples of higher vibrations.”
TL/DR: We need your devotional practices and art. I need your devotional practices and art.
Chop Wood, Carry Water reflects on life as a ceremony.
And most recently - in Whole, Broken, Beautiful, Chaos - I tell the story of “my stories” - particularly the narratives that hold me back. Then, I stand in my power - whole, broken, beautiful, chaos.
I shared Whole, Broken, Beautiful, Chaos on the Lunar Eclipse in Virgo:
“I am going to surrender the woman who has always felt like I am too much and yet never good enough to the darkness. And, within that darkness, I am going to let the woman that I Am - whole, broken, beautiful, chaos, one with God - shine.”
After reading Whole, Broken, Beautiful, Chaos, my friend Leslie asked what success means to me… And even before she asked, I had already been exploring what my most expanded Self feels like - right now.
I celebrated my half-birthday on March 6th and during therapy that week, I reflected on the last “vision” I wrote on my 36th birthday. I shared this on IG back in September 2023:
It feels so good to read that. Those words are my real life right now and they weren’t back then.
I haven’t landed a new vision as eloquently as I composed my previous one - but, it’s coming.
Which brings me to today’s essay - this essay - where I’ll explore what it means when I said: “to let the woman that I Am - whole, broken, beautiful, chaos, one with God - shine.”
Because that sounds good - but how does it actually happen?
I’m verily sure - in the words of Marianne Williamson - letting my own light shine - is my definition of success.
So again, how do I tangibly let my own light shine?
And after days and days of writing, I think I know what’s “necessary” for my light to shine - and the answers surprised me…
First, a little back story:
Dramatic, yet not exaggerated - I more or less lived disassociated for the first 30 years of my life. It took *years* of yoga to get me in my body.
And in my late 20s, when I finally landed in my body, I was hurting:
I was suffocated by shame. I was drowning in unfelt/unprocessed grief. I didn’t trust people nor myself.
Even though it was painful, I was in a potently spiritual place back then: broken and full of faith.
As I made my way from drug-addict, high school dropout to “functioning” member of society, I took on a “fake til you make it” energy and at that point, I was more concerned about what you thought of me than how I felt.
Throughout my 20s, I blasted through life doing what I thought I “should” do - while completely ignoring the pings of my body. I always felt like no one “knew me” and felt like no one “really liked me”.
And I felt that way, because I wasn’t being fully authentic - I lived from a place of fear.
On my 31st birthday, I made a naked declaration:


And today, I am like, “naked baby Julia, thank you.”
Those words that I shared 6.5 years ago are the words that I need to hear right now. And today, I am so much closer to the vision I crafted back then.
Sloan has been on a Taylor Swift kick lately and during Cruel Summer I love when Taylor sings, “I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you.”
And in so many ways, I have always kept secrets - by hiding parts of myself - big and small - by dimming - to intentionally take up less space - both literally and figuratively.
And I don’t want to do that anymore.
As I contemplate my next vision - what success feels and looks like - I realized that it’s so much simpler and also more complex than the list from my 36th birthday.
*This is the vision I hold for future Julia:
I live in alignment. My actions match my values.
I find pleasure in discipline. I show up to my practices with devotion. I integrate my practices into my life - not in a perfect way - but in a way that meets the needs of my family while also keeping me committed to the Work. I show up unapologetically messy and determined.
Steady. I am steady.
My practice remains constant, no matter the external stimulus - climate disasters, political disasters, war, a sick kid - turmoil and fear reorient me back to my practices.
My top priorities are nourishing myself - physically, mentally, spiritually, and creatively.
When I am regulated, I respond.
I embrace my vocation: teacher.
I move from the belief that I can be financially abundant and well-resourced.
I consistently create offerings. I consistently create in meaningful and generative ways.
I openly and with appreciation receive monetary compensation for my offerings.
Love, safety, and playfulness are the energies that I bring to my relationship with my kids and Alex.
I equally know that everything I need is inside of myself and that I will forever ask questions and explore. I am not looking for answers.
My mind, body, and spirit sit as one - my breath flows with ease.
Love is my true North.
That vision is so beautiful.. And again, how does it actually happen?
It happens by going to bed by 10pm most days of the week. It happens through waking up at 5:30am to practice breathwork. It happens through my connection to my infusions and teas. It happens through daily journaling. It happens through planning my meals and not letting my blood sugar dip/spike. It happens through regularly sharing my offerings - whether or not I immediately get “likes” or “purchases”. It happens through daily movement and stretching. It happens through conversations with my therapist. It happens through spiritual + self-study. It happens through committing to honoring what brings me true pleasure.
Becoming a (consistently) steady and aligned woman isn’t going to happen through plant medicine ceremonies or on a big exciting trip - becoming a (consistently) steady and aligned woman happens through showing up to my practices - regardless of external distractions, regardless of how I am feeling - with grace and discipline.
And through reflection, I realize the offerings that I share through Deeper Than Shallow are in complete alignment with my vision. Deeper Than Shallow is about the small practices we do everyday - the small practices that make a big difference.
Deeper Than Shallow is a space for integration. Deeper Than Shallow is not here to offer peak moments. We are here/ I am here to offer you practices to help you alchemize and integrate all of your many gifts and experiences.
I don’t want to take you on a retreat nor guide you through a psychoactive plant medicine ceremony - I want to offer you space to integrate.
And it’s important to note, those moments are so essential - don’t stop chasing the heights.
Right now though, I am in a space of integration - so that’s what I am going to offer.
The dictionary definition of integration is: the act of combining or uniting things to form a whole. Integration comes from the Latin word “integrare” - to make whole.
So to directly answer the question - what does success mean to me?
For me, success is wholeness… It’s allowing myself to be “too much” - to be dramatic, to be sensitive, to be sensual… to be true to my own needs instead of yours. Whole is not perfect - the whole is making space for the light and the dark. Whole is welcoming all parts of myself with love.
Success for me is not needing to be perfect to be worthy and seen.
And, I would be lying if I didn’t also include: I want to make money. I have an exact figure that is honestly irrelevant, but I want to make money from my offerings.
Alex has financially supported our entire family for almost 6 years - and truly props to him. I love you forever, Alex.
Being a Mom will always come first for me, and now, I am ready to be a Mother that earns money. Period.
AND (!!!) - for me - money does not equal success . Because, if I earned the money I want to earn, and I didn’t stay whole - if I let myself fracture by ignoring the pings and neglecting the practices that anchor me to my wholeness - I would not feel successful.
And what does it mean to anchor to wholeness? For me, it means listening to the bodily pings that say “yes” and “no” even if they are beyond present reason/logic.
TL/DR - for me, success is: earning financial compensation through sharing my embodied practices.
Because in the words of the legendary Ms. Lauryn Hill: How you gonna win, when you ain't right within?
To conclude, I urge you to consider what success means for YOU.
For YOU - within your own career and vocation… I believe in spiritual divined lawyers, salespeople, doctors, artist, shopkeepers - etc etc etc. What does it mean for you to be Whole?
Last week in my yoga class, a student had a water bottle with a sticker that said: capitalism is a cock block. If you could free yourself from capitalistic constructs: what would success feel like in your body?
As always - thank you for reading.
With love,
Julia
Nourishment, Rituals, and Devotions
My spin on Eat, Pray, Love.
Nourishment:
Today, I have a request. I have been resisting meat lately. My body can’t go without it but I’ve been resisting it… What are your favorite high protein, plant-based, easy to make meals?
Also, what protein powder(s) do you love?
Please share in the comments so we can all enjoy <3
Rituals:
At home, I have been exclusively working with Carol Bridges’ Medicine Woman Tarot deck. I lovvvveeee this deck right now.
Here is the card I pulled for us today:
Seven of Pipes - the message: Overcome doubt by the action of the self unbound.
Devotion:
Postpartum, breathwork was challenging for me, all of my organs felt loose and out of place.
From many sources, it became clear I needed to move through the discomfort and commit to a daily breath practice. This has not been consistent but its consistency is in my vision (!!!).
Breath is life. Breath is a way for me to connect with Spirit. Last month, I signed up for an Our Breath Collective membership.
Monday through Friday, they have a 6AM PST 15 minute breathwork session. All of their teachers are a little different and that is what I most like - each practice is a little different, in a good way.
I am devoted to my breath. I’ll keep you updated ;)
Rest, Resistance, Rebellion:
Rest:
I teach a public class called Rest + Reiki on Fridays at 10:30am at Sojourn Healing Collective.
And I’ll be honest, I have not taken many in-person restorative yoga classes in 2025.
As I shared, I am committed to my practices and for me to be a good (in-person) teacher, I need to be an (in-person) student.
I have taken Natalia Rodriguez Arango’s Wednesday 7PM Restorative & Sound Healing at Reunify in Ocean Beach the past two weeks and it has been so so needed. Highly recommend if you’re in SD….
I am here to offer you digital practices and I am also here to remind you - even if it’s just once a week - get your ass to a studio and REST.
Resistance:
I deleted all of the news apps off of my phone – I have a new practice for news consumption: I consciously sit down and take it all in and then I get up and dance/shake it out of my body. My current favorite shake songs:
Raganu Nakts - Tautummeitas on Spotify
Rebellion:
Ooooh - I almost lost myself to rage/despair in 2023 and 2024 - the war, the genocides, the political circus, the atrocities waged against women and children globally, the climate, school shootings - it was too much for me. I broke.
I prayed for a spiritual anchor and I found Kabbalah. Through my study of Kabbalah, I learned that any action I take from a place of anger/despair/fear can only create more anger/despair/fear - like attracts like. I’ve always known that but I really believe it now.
Most often, I cannot immediately address a current event from a place of love, so I have to pause. It’s a whiplash from how I once operated, but I no longer believe that my critical political posts actually do any good.
The anger didn’t work. I am going to continue to do all the things I did with rage/despair - aside from judging and attacking the “other”…. I am still going to make the calls, donate, vote, be a conscious consumer - and now, I’m going to do all of those things with as much joy as I can…
My anger did not serve the cause. It wore me down. It damaged my thinking.
Now, with the very conscious mantras of “people are inherently good”, “pleasure is activism”, “art is activism”, “love is activism”, “peace is power” - I am going to lovingly advocate for an immediate and permanent ceasefire, release EVERY hostage on both sides, US funded-aide to countries in desperate need, global climate protection, common sense gun reform, liberty for my lgbtqia+ community, and sovereignty for ALL bodies.
Ceasefire and love.
Release the hostages and love.
US-Aid to vulnerable places and love.
Climate and love.
Gun reform and love.
LGBTQIA+ and love.
Bodily sovereignty and love.
It does not serve me (or you!!!) to attack the system with anger. Instead, I am seeking to find all the traits of “the other side” that I most judge, within myself… Because on some level - you spot it, you got it.
And I am here to say peace and drench everything in love.
Love this so much!! I just told my hubs while laying in bed after reading this… “damn I wish I could write like her” the way you share, express and articulate in writing is truly beautiful 🙏🏻 thank you thank you thank you 🙏🏻💗
I started reading this when you first wrote it, but Substack sent me an email today with this piece at the very top of my suggested list :) So, I thought that's the universe telling me it's time to go back and finish it!
Beautiful writing. Beautiful meaning. Beautiful share. At 45, I still feel like I'm not showing up authentically . I love that you have explored the question about "how do you actually achieve, in practice, what you want for yourself." It's very different writing how you want to "be" than it is figuring out how to get there!